It's been a long time since I last blogged. I was very, very ill last time and it took me a while to recover. That whole experience made me re-evaluate my whole life. I've now resigned from work and i'm a full time mum, wife and artist. I'm building a collection of work at the moment. The feeling of freedom is wonderful. I'm painting a piece for the new directions exhibition at the Haworth Art Gallery. I've just taken part in an event at Tate Modern 'From Morning till Night'. I'm making lots of Buddhist Butterflies. It is wonderful to be able to connect with my creative side and be able to look after my family. I'm going to blog more often and really get to grips with making a career for myself.

I'm not a good blogger

Hello world,

I'm not a very good blogger, I have all the intentions but not the spare time or motivation.

I have my operation on Monday to remove my Gall Bladder, I am so pleased at the thought of being pain free but anxious at the same time. I don't think I've got a good handle on my thoughts or emotions at the moment. I'm acting a little bizarrely too. My moods and emotions run pretty much on an even keel, if I was a Seismograph there wouldn't be very much movement, at the moment there are little currents and undulations going on. I'm worried in case anything goes wrong, have I done a good enough job for my son to be a happy, successful adult, will Ashley be able to cope without me. All these silly little worries, when I was younger I used to think about longevity a lot as my family tend to have such short lives, now i have an illness which I consider to be an older person's it bothers me. I want to live a long life and to do this I need to take much better care of myself.

I am on a downer about my creative life too, I rarely stick my neck out of my shell to create opportunities for myself and when I do I get knocked back. I used to think that I was talented but now I think I need to start again from scratch. I feel that I want success with my art but then are too afraid or nervous to reach out and make it happen. I worry about security, having a safe home environment has always been paramount and I feel that creating that for the kids is more important than my own ambition. The kids will leave home and become adults soon so will that be my time then. I dont want to live and work so all I've got to look forward to is the next holiday. That's not a life for me.

I used to feel that I was meant to be here, that I had a purpose, that I was going to achieve something remarkable. I have done that as a mother but not in other area's of my life. That makes me feel sad, as I'm middle aged, full time mum, housewife, worker, pet owner. Am I whiling away the days, months, years.

On a lighter note I've just read a marvellous book, 'Her Fearful Symmetry' by Audrey Niffenegger. It is a brilliant, witty ghost story. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I'm reading Iain Banks, 'Transition' now. Today is a quiet day, its cold and grey. I'm planning my low fat diet for after my op, and maybe that event will be the start of another new phase of my life, being pain free will be wonderful.

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Le France Sud

We are on the south coast of France now, heading towards Narbonne. Listening to Steophonics in the hot sun, nice!!

We are all fed, watered and toiletted. Nearly at the end of our destination.

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Another Journey

We are on the road again, setting off for Bugarach now. Stopped in Lapalud last night had yummy Mergeze Sausage on bread with onions, very scrumptious. Florence entertained us with her ballet dancing.

Amelia and William are with us now, squabbling already. Amelia has hit William around the head because he touched the jar of Nutella, all bribes for good behaviour will be centred around Nutella on this journey. Nat is reading the Frankie Boyle autobiography.

3 hours to Bugarach.

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Bloody Blooders

We just saw 2 Gendarme's on motorbikes shaking their fists at a motorist who wouldn't move out of their way. Anyone who has heard the story of Ashley shaking his fist at drivers on ring road at Elephant & Castle. Ashley says that they are also 1950esque dad drivers and he feels at home and in tune.

As always we have passed Lyon and the sun is out, its 6pm and 28 degrees. We've seen the Rhone and it is as beautiful as ever.

Only another hour and we will be at Lapalud.

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Nearly at Lyon

We're nearly at Lyon, lots of pics coming up

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Stressy Hotels Online Nonbookings

We are doing really well for time, so we decided to cancel the hotel in Dijon for tonight. It has taken 2 hours nearly to do this, I thought I was going mad.

Accor Hotels have a mobile internet app that you are directly put on from your mobile, this app neither recognized the hotel we were booked in or our booking reference. We telephoned the hotel and were greeted with an automated voice messege saying my mobile service was not accepted on their telephone service. So I tried ringing Accor Hotels Helpdesk, I was asked to call the hotel back but press 00 when the recorded voice was playing which I did, no change. Telephoned Accor again and spoke to Denise who was very sweet but was suggesting everything we had already done and wanted to get rid of us like we were a hot potato. Ashley says their network application was a notwork application. PIGDOG !

Pigdog or Couchonchien is our insult and term of endearment for our holiday.

I have to say a big THANK YOU to my sister Francine / Angie who cancelled the hotel on her computer at home, you are our saviour xxxxxxxxx

We are near Dijon now, we have seen lots of windmills, wind energy, the rotors are slightly curved here, probably to do with the strong winds that blow through the country.

It is a lovely day, le soliel est brille. We have spoken to Penny who owns the house in Bugarach and we can go a day earlier. So off to Lapalud tonight, pick up Mimi and Wills, then off to our holiday yeah!!!

Putting some pics on of lovely countryside.

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Aire de Zutkerque

We spent our first night sleeping in the car at Zutkerque, we arrived just after midnight and slept until 7am which is pretty good going. Nat slept in the front passenger seat, he managed to get his body in the smallest space. Me and Ashley slept in the back of the car with the seats down. Ashley is the hogger of quilt, he was so warm he was drenched in sweat while poor ree face had to snuggle up to him so hard that he was squashed in a corner. We have had our breakfast, cleaned our teeth, put deoderant on, on the road in search of coffee and tea. The photo is of the Aire.

BFN Internetees

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Dover

We are in Dover waiting for the ferry, there are children on a coach singing 'Swing Low Sweet Chariot'. There are lots of drivers sticking the plastic front car light thingies on their cars. People speaking on mobiles, different languages and accents everywhere. We didn't get our passports checked again. The vehicles are getting off the ferry so we will be on soon. We are sailing with Sea France. We will be in Calais soon.

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Queen Elizabeth Bridge

We have just gone over The QE Bridge, over The Thames, it is a beautiful structure. The traffic has been really busy on the M25 up to the bridge, it took 30mins to do 10 miles. Just rang Nance to say hi as we were to her although very briefly. Its 7pm, we have 2 hrs 20 before our ferry departs. We all need to go to the loo. 65 miles to go. We have been listening to Faithless and Jamiroquai now Zero 7. We are on the M20 now, we will see the white cliffs of dover soon. Nat is reading Unseen Academicals, he is totally engrossed, I think I'll read it when he's finished.

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